Why does shame go deep?
Why do we become the very shame we feel?
Why does shame repress our ability to embrace our feelings?
Why do we label ourselves a ‘shameful person’?
The answer runs generations deep. Through a cycle of history, we take in shame. It is taught, beaten, encouraged and condemned into us. Shame is forced onto us from an early age until we assimilate it into ourselves on the deepest levels.
We were taught shame not expression. We were taught to repress our feelings instead of facing them through remorse. Remorse was repressed. Freedom was denied.
Shame is the topic no one really likes to dive into. Shame is the pain within us that slowly, consistently and very deeply eats at us. The shame we carry erodes the self and disconnects us from God’s will, our gifts, abilities, wisdom and spiritual powers.
From the earliest moments in childhood we are taught to grow up full of shame. Our parents were brought up full of shame and they in turn passed the shame onto us. They were only doing the best they knew how, but being unable to deal with their burdens of shame on their own, they unknowingly passed shame onto us by beating and condemning their shame into us, just as was done to them.
You then go out into the world, saddled with shame that you are unequipped to deal with, only to pick up more shame. Shame from the condemnation of religions, shame from your peers, shame at school, shame from bullies, shame in the workplace. Shame at every stage of your life from birth to adulthood. We pick up the shame that is offloaded onto us, without knowing how to process and deal with it. Each experience with shame creates a psychic shame contract, a deep psychic chord of pain connected to a situation and an individual. The accumulation of these psychic shame contracts gives rise to our deepest pains, fears and insecurities.
There are many different types of psychic shame contract, some of the most common include:
Abusive Shame Contracts:
‘I WILL MAKE YOU PAY’ This shame contract is born of abusive shame, seen in people who have experienced abuse be it physical, emotional or spiritual. After a person begins to believe they deserve the abuse. Later they will develop a tendency to hurt people when they have been hurt, under the justification “you deserve this”.
‘I’LL HURT YOU BEFORE YOU CAN HURT ME’ Born of abusive shame this type of contract seeks to hurt people first, in the belief that people will eventually hurt you, so you must do it first. If you were bullied growing up you may find you will bully people in the future because of this shame contract.
‘I CAN NEVER ADMIT I’M WRONG’ Those who have experienced abuse will quickly learn ‘If I do something wrong I will be beaten’. They are taught to feel like they deserve the punishment, so they learn to plead innocence at every stage of life incapable of accepting culpability because of the deep ingrained fear of the consequences of being in the wrong.
‘GOD IF YOU GET ME OUT OF THIS I’LL DO WHAT EVER YOU ASK OF ME’ A self-sacrificing martyr type of shame contract frequently created out of desperation to get out of pain. “If you get me out of this I swear I’ll be a good kid.”
‘I’LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU ANGRY’ A shame contract that creates meek, soft willed, submissive behaviour so as to avoid abuse. It also creates a tendency to apologise even when you are not at fault.
‘SHUT DOWN’ An abusive shame contract which forces a person into introverted, emotional, mental, physical or spiritual ‘shut downs’.
‘I WON’T BE ANYTHING LIKE YOU’ This particular shame contract is very prominent when you decide you want to be nothing like a particular parent, carer, abuser etc. It may not seem like such a bad shame contract however your actions are being governed by this shame contract meaning you are not in control of your behaviour.
Abandonment Shame Contracts:
Abandonment shame contracts can take many different forms. They are created when a child is abandoned by one or both of their parents, even if this abandonment is unwilling say for instance when a parent dies.
‘I WILL ALWAYS SEEK YOUR APPROVAL’ When a person experiences lifelong feelings of seeking approval and acceptance from the missing parent. This can also come in the form of if a child loses their mother, they will constantly seek women’s approval and vice versa. This type of shame also creates a tendency to need outward approval, praise and acceptance from everyone of importance.
‘I WILL LOOK AFTER YOU BEFORE I LOOK AFTER MYSELF’ This type of abandonment shame contract comes in the form of a person that puts aside their own dreams, life mission and ambitions in favour of staying with their parents and putting their parents’ wants and needs before their own.
‘I WILL BE YOUR CLONE’ This type of shame contract is created when a person feels obligated to be exactly like their parent.
Recognise any of these?
These are but a scarce few of the most common types of psychic shame contract that are governing your life. Shame is one of the most complex blocks to heal. It is far more complex than fears or resentments. This is because shame affects us deeply. It can affect us on generational, ancestral and DNA levels and shame is very unique to each individual. Situations in life will constantly trigger your shame pain, until you face it, you will never be free.
It is not your fears nor your resentments that hold you back.
It is your shame.
Because your shame creates both your fears and your resentments.
Your shame creates the feelings of; something is wrong with me, I’m a mistake, I’m not good enough, I’m bad, I shouldn’t have these feelings, I shouldn’t feel how I feel, I’m not right here, I’m in the wrong family, I was born in the wrong body, I’m on the wrong planet, I’m wrong….
Shame deteriorates your life’s dreams, visions, and your main soul purpose. It blocks you from connecting to your higher self, your soul and preventing beautiful universal connections. Shame prevents you from communicating to your inner child. It will hinder and suppress you standing in the way of you from becoming your best self.
Let’s heal this shame, we are all carrying deep within our inner child. Together we can transform the shame and guilt into remorse, compassion, freedom and energise ourselves with forgiveness for ourselves and for others. I will not only assist in healing your shame but also I will show you how to stop passing shame onto others, and prevent you from absorbing new shame from people in the future.
Contact Chris to book your shame healing today.
You Tube Link On Do You Have Soggy Shame